I remember when the boys were little and they would say absolutely anything that came to mind.
ANYTHING. There was NO filter.
And you know what? I embraced it. Of course, if something came out that was inappropriate I’d take them aside and explain why they shouldn’t say what they did. It happened here and there, hence the well-known phrase
Out of the mouth of babes.
As our children get older, they understand and learn about the difference between right and wrong. They learn from what we teach them, from school, and less attractively – from social media and their friends.
Toddlers and Elementary Ages
It is a give-in that we cannot shelter them as much as we’d like from what they learn from the latter two, but we can proffer up our ears should they need someone to talk to.
When the boys were little and I noticed either frustration or sadness (and of course happiness), I wouldn’t jump up and exclaim, “Oh no! What’s wrong?!” I felt that would make them more hypersensitive to whatever did occur to make them fret and not be willing to talk about it.
Instead, I’d sidle up next to them, and in a normal tone just ask what’s up. Maybe ask how they are feeling. More times than less they would take a deep breath and explain what happened, opening up the conversation and allowing me in to help.
As They Get Older
As our kids get older, they start to confide and rely on their friends and us parents may not be “as cool” as we once were.
I’ve learned that they can be somewhat guarded as to what they divulge about their day and how things are with their friends (and girlfriends), so I tread lightly.
Introduce QT
Dinnertime is quality family time in our household. With sports ramping up big time, we can’t eat together as much as we’d like to, so when we do we take full advantage of it.
It got a little old when we’d ask them, “What did you do today in school?” and the response was, “Nothing”.
Really? You just sat in your class(es) and stared at the wall? So, we started asking the kids to tell us 5 things about their day.
Enlist Props
Something as simple as a card that asks an open-ended question can literally open up the modes of communication.
Grab a card game, like Table Topics, or something along those lines. We use the family version, but there are so many different ones to choose from.
It’s actually quite interesting what we’ve learned about each other. Some make us laugh. Some make us really stop and think. I definitely recommend them – or make your own!
Indirect Conversation
I’ve learned that if I get wind that something either occurred in school or with a friend, I start a conversation about something totally different with them.
It could be something as simple as, “What did you have for lunch?” that morphs in to, “How was lunchtime?”, which can then lead into what maybe happened at lunch with a friend – you get where I’m going.
Listen. Just Listen.
We are all busy, but we need to take the time to
I let them speak and get their entire thought out before jumping into what I may think is the appropriate solution. Sometimes just letting them talk it through can help lead them to a solution.
Hugs are also extremely powerful. Hugging and listening can be a superpower duo to help calm your child and open up.
Go On Adventures Together
Kids love adventures, and there’s no better way to get them talking than by going on one together. Plan a day where you and your kids can explore a new place or do something fun and exciting. This will allow them to share their thoughts and experiences with you. It will also help you to build closer bonds with your children. This can be a big overseas adventure like a range of Galapagos cruises or a simple short road trip up state. Experiencing life with your kids is always a great way to bring everyone closer together.
What Do You Do?
I am by far no expert when it comes to this but I enjoy sharing what works with our family in hopes that it may spark something for yours. I’d love to know other tips on how you get your kids to open up and talk! Please comment below so I can add them to my arsenal of info!
kumamonjeng says
I totally agree just be there and offer a listening ear to them. Do not jump into any conclusion unless they ask for one. Even if they ask for one, I will still leave it to them to solve the problem, as this will help them to be responsible for their own actions. Thanks for sharing your parenting knowledge and it has been very useful.
Dana says
Exactly! I catch myself sometimes giving them the solution to their problem instead of letting them talk it out!
Heather says
I’m very lucky to have three girls who tell me everything. We’ve always had an open line of communication and hopefully it stays that way.
Dana says
I am so glad to hear that you and your little ladies have open lines of communication! Keep it up, Heather 🙂
Kara Guppy says
I have found the key is to listen to them when they are younger and they will keep coming back and communicating as they get older
Dana says
You hit the nail on the head, Kara!
Georgia says
lovely post and very motivational for all parents!
Dana says
Thanks, Georgia!
katie Davies says
my two are still only little at 4 and 6 my little girl tells me everything but my little boy can be a bit shy. Some great tips here thanks for sharing
Dana says
Katie, I think it is awesome that your daughters tell you everything! Keep those lines of communication open as you have been!
Felecia Monique says
This article was much needed dealing with a middle schooler who is mums about his social life!! Great tips!
Dana says
Thanks Felecia! I’m glad this article helped!
Hang Around The World says
Thank you for this informative post, I really like the topic. I’m not a mom so I’m going to share this with people who will love it more than me 🙂 – Amalia
Dana says
Thank you for sharing my post Amalia!
Catherine says
It’s tougher especially when they get older but this is a great post. It’s important to establish that open trust when they are young. Thanks for sharing!
Dana says
I’m glad you enjoyed the post, Catherine!
John Mulindi says
Sometimes parenting can be a challenging task, glad you have shared some few tips here that can be of help to parents struggling to communicate well with their kids. Thanks
Lisa says
This is important information for parents with children at any age! I’ll share this with my friends with children
Sara Welch says
I once looked into getting those table topic cards for me and my husband; I didn’t know they had one for families too! Great advice!
Dana says
Sara, they have all different versions! They also make great gifts!
Tonya Morris says
Oh my gosh I have this to look forward to! This is some great advice and I love the table topic cards idea!
berlin | Momi berlin says
Those are nice parenting tips. I guess i need to listen now and apply a few of what you’ve suggested. Great to have stumbled upon this post.
Dana says
Thanks!! 🙂
Yeah Lifestyle says
These are some great tips. I like the idea of getting the kids to tell you 5 things about their day.
Jasmine Hewitt says
these are great tips for parents who need help getting their kids to talk to them more. I love all of these
Sujana MADISON says
Hi, Dana! Just gone through your post. I am really worried about my two kids are growing older. Next term, they are going to start schooling. I think it will help me a lot. very much helpful post for the worried moms.
Dana says
Glad my post was healful, Sujana!
Sam says
These are great tips. I feel like listening is the most important. It encourages them to open up and also teaches them the importance of listening to others.
Shannon Gurnee says
I’ve found that our teenagers can get pretty moody and closed off. When I ask them questions, I stay away from yes/no questions.
Dana says
Yes! Open-ended questions tend to get better results 🙂
Alexandra Cook says
This is such a great topic. My kids are really awesome. They tell me all the things they want to open. And the best part of it, is my role as a mother listening to them and giving them such a piece of advice 🙂
Dana says
Alexandra, sounds like you are an awesome mom!!
Preet says
What a great topic for mothers. It is really important to know things about your kids. Listening is the key.
Dana says
I agree, Preet, and sometimes we forget to!
Kristy Bullard says
My kids used to tell me everything when they were little. But now that they are tweens I have to draw them out a little more. I ask them questions about their favorite singer or are you-tuber to get them to open up.
Dana says
Kristy, that is a great way to get them to open up!
Chelle Dizon says
My son is officially a teenager today and yes I do agree with what you said about they are not as open as before. These are really great tips. Thanks!
Dana says
I hope they help, Chelle!
Bella and Dawn at Dear Mummy Blog says
Table topics sounds like a good idea! And these are great suggestions to get kids to open up a little more x
Dana says
Agreed!
Nati says
Thank you for these precious tips! Talking to children and get them open up can be a delicate matter!
Akamatra says
We have established a family sharing time in meal time with our 2,5 year old daughter since before she was able to speak. We would talk about our day and she would just listen. Now she asks us about our day and she openly talks about hers. Kids see, kids do!