When you walk down the aisle to the person you were going to marry, you don’t imagine that this won’t last. You don’t picture fusing your lives together legally and spiritually only for them to unravel later, with pieces on the floor. It just doesn’t cross anyone’s mind that a separation could happen, but it does. For some couples, life pulls them apart, or they pull each other apart. The hearts get stomped on and the children that were originally created with love? Well, they are stuck in the middle of two parents who are afraid, desperate, and worried about the future. The children become the collateral damage when a separation occurs, and while that’s not what anyone wants, it’s an inevitability.
The thing is, love is complicated. People are complicated. You might hate each other but that hate is born of love that you had in the first place. The angry words, the fighting, the trying to hurt each other? That comes from a desperate place of sadness from a world where child support lawyers and divorce courts come from. You need to get through this separation from your partner and realize that you are a person who can manage without them – you can be a gamechanger. If you are in the process of separating right now, you need to know what steps to take to make it as easy as possible – without the mess.
Go through all of your passwords.
When you match your life to someone else’s, it’s easy to get to know all of their private and personal information, and they’ll have got to know yours, too. Changing your passwords for your online banking, social media and even your Netflix account is a must. You need to be able to separate everything that links you together, too and that means that you have to change all of your passwords. You need privacy again, and if things get messy in the courtroom, you don’t need them to have any access to your information anymore. They don’t get that right.
Speak to the bank.
When you have a joint account, you are jointly responsible for everything that goes in and out of it. Speaking to the bank is a must when you have separated. You need to know that your money is all separated and you are not going to have anything taken from you by your ex. Inform the bank that you are no longer together, too, as this can protect your assets, and open another account solely in your name.
Open a safety deposit box.
If you need somewhere you can put your documents, passports, and financial information, you need a safety deposit box. It’s common that certain documents tend to disappear when two people separate and sometimes, it’s not a good thing. It’s also a surety that your ex wouldn’t be that kind of person, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be prepared.
Keep your valuables safe.
The jewelry that you accumulated through the relationship and any valuables you managed to gather over the years should all be with you as you are packing your things. You don’t want to be that couple feuding over CDs in the lawyer’s office, and you don’t have to be.
Talk to the kids.
This is something that you should do together. You need to ensure that your children don’t feel anything less than loved after you separate. They’re going to see you together and going through this and children tend to feel insecure when parents are splitting up. You want them to feel as if you are both still happy with them. You don’t have to be happy together, but your children need to know you are still their parents. The children are going to react to this separation and they won’t always react favorably.
Change your will.
If you had a will that was solely yours, the last thing that you need is to have something happen to you and your ex benefit. Most people aren’t aware that separation does not affect a Will, which means that the person you’re separating from will be a beneficiary of your assets. You need to think about how this can affect you and changing your will to reflect your children is the better idea.
Change your Power of Attorney.
If you are someone who appointed a spouse as a Power of Attorney, then you’ll need to change that. You need to make sure that you have someone you care about representing you should you get hurt, and they have to care about you, too. Get a sibling, a friend or parent to step in and you’ll be able to get the help that you need should something happen to you.
Start keeping a diary.
In situations where you need to keep a record of everything happening between you post-separation, you need a diary. If you have to speak to child support lawyers or divorce lawyers, it can help to be able to recount everything again. A diary can help you with this task, and you’ll benefit from it overall.a diary will help you to show what’s happening in your life to your lawyer and you need this.
This can be hard. It’s really hard to be civil to someone who is hurting you and you should think about the fact you don’t want to spend your life fighting. Be civil together and you can get through this period of your life without too much damage. You have to remember that you loved one another once, enough to get married. You were friends once, and while it’s hard to try and recover, you can make it work and be friends again.
Speak to a lawyer.
Lastly, speaking to a lawyer is going to help you to get through this. They can be your mediator, your sounding board and your friend in a time you really need it. Going through a separation is hard – they can make it easier.